I just want to live simply. I want my priorities to be straight. I feel like the whole world around me is in a constant state of chaos. Everyone worries about things that don't really matter. Do you realize how big God is? I mean come on now. It seems like people will do whatever they have to in order to get to the top....the top of what? I'm not sure exactly. The top of society I guess. But who really wants to be there? And I've never really seen anyone stay for very long. I think the higher you go, the harder you'll fall. And I don't know about you, but I don't really take pain well.
let. me. live. simply.
please.
Feb 23, 2011
Feb 4, 2011
Epiphany
I am starting to learn a lot about myself. I know that the college experience radically changed my life. I had an amazing group of friends. The classes I took challenged me to the very core of who I was. Now that I'm going on a year out of my undergrad and living back home. I'm staring to realize how much those experiences really changed my whole outlook on life. I was talking to a friend the other day and said, I use to not be like this. And that is true. I wasn't always this passive. There was a time I wanted the greater things in life. I use to put myself above others. I use to want to strive hard and be the best, not for myself, but for those around me. I couldn't fall, everyone was watching. And though I was never perfect, I always acted like I was. I think over time, I gave up. I gave up living for everyone else and started living for myself. I gave up striving for things that won't last, and realized that everything I have was given to me anyway. I don't have to be the best; I just have to do my best. The simplicity of life has overwhelmed me. I just want to love God and love people.
Now, I'm still far from perfect. I struggle everyday. And I think this whole self realization thing might be part of the process of life. I have been in Graduate School a total of 3 weeks and can already feel myself changing. I am already being challenged. For some reason, I am more aware of it now. Maybe that is just part of getting older. I don't know. But I've never really been afraid of change.
God, thank you for molding me and shaping me into the person you would have me be. continue to transform me. help me to stay focused on the things that really matter. Amen.
Now, I'm still far from perfect. I struggle everyday. And I think this whole self realization thing might be part of the process of life. I have been in Graduate School a total of 3 weeks and can already feel myself changing. I am already being challenged. For some reason, I am more aware of it now. Maybe that is just part of getting older. I don't know. But I've never really been afraid of change.
God, thank you for molding me and shaping me into the person you would have me be. continue to transform me. help me to stay focused on the things that really matter. Amen.
Jan 31, 2011
List of Things I Learned Today:
1. My 4 year old sister is smarter than me.
2. The unknown is really exciting....and really scary.
3. I am powerless. (Gah, that's hard to say. Thanks anonymous programs.)
4. Everything is a system, and a learning experience.
5. Epistemology
...this is a tentative list.
2. The unknown is really exciting....and really scary.
3. I am powerless. (Gah, that's hard to say. Thanks anonymous programs.)
4. Everything is a system, and a learning experience.
5. Epistemology
...this is a tentative list.
Jan 30, 2011
today's prayer
Hey dad, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you. I think too often in this life I get so caught up in the details that I miss the big picture. You are good, and you want what's best for me. Thank you for the places you're taking me and the people you have brought into my life. I am being broken, molded, and shaped in the person you want me to be. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to be in control all the time. Help me to open my eyes to see the blessings you have placed right in front of me. Take my hand and lead me in the direction you would have me go. I'm sorry for making things harder than they should be. I'm sorry for the times I doubt your love for me. I'm sorry for the lack of brokenness and openness here lately. I think today I realized that happiness is something that I can choose for myself every day, but true joy can only come from you. I want you to be my joy and my strength. I love you, and I thank you. Amen.
Jan 24, 2011
A Lie Never Ends
Last week when I was in class we were talking about how much we really value honesty. It is a vocational rehabilitation class. So, we were really talking about honesty and morals in the work place. My professor gave us this situation and asked what we'd really do.
Let's say you are working for a non-profit organization doing vocational counseling. It is your job to help people find their transferable skills and use them in a new job setting. This organization is funded by private donations and government grants. There is a grant that this organization has which says you provide a very specific service to your clients. There is no one however, who works here that has the credentials or license to legally provide that service. So, your supervisor tells you to sign off and say that your clients did indeed receive this specific service. Your clients are unaware of what is going on. If you do not sign off, this organization will lose their grant. For numbers sake, let's say it's a $250,000 grant. This money plays a huge roll in the function of this organization. If they do not have this grant, they will not be able to continue. If you do sign off and say that your clients did receive this service, then you will get an additional week of paid vacation and a $5,000 bonus. What would you do?
This scenario definitely created some dialog in class. "We are in a recession and you got to do what you got to do," said one girl in class. "But can you really compromise your values?" said another girl. "I was always told that a lie never ends," said someone else.
I've really started to think about this. I knew right off what I would do. I would not lie. I would first try to think of other options. For example, subcontracting the service to someone else so that our clients were actually getting the service. But I would not lie. If there were no other options, I would leave the job. My professor said that she has left more than one job before because they asked her to lie and she refused. She did not have time to discuss it with her family or anything. She was just convicted, and acted on it. I think I would be the same way. "I wasn't going to lie, but my husband wasn't too happy about it when I got home," she said. Well, I guess I definitely need to find a man who will support me no matter what. Someone who will be flexible and is able to go with the flow, lol. I think honesty is so important in every aspect of life. My class last week helped me realize how much I value honesty in myself, and in others.
Let's say you are working for a non-profit organization doing vocational counseling. It is your job to help people find their transferable skills and use them in a new job setting. This organization is funded by private donations and government grants. There is a grant that this organization has which says you provide a very specific service to your clients. There is no one however, who works here that has the credentials or license to legally provide that service. So, your supervisor tells you to sign off and say that your clients did indeed receive this specific service. Your clients are unaware of what is going on. If you do not sign off, this organization will lose their grant. For numbers sake, let's say it's a $250,000 grant. This money plays a huge roll in the function of this organization. If they do not have this grant, they will not be able to continue. If you do sign off and say that your clients did receive this service, then you will get an additional week of paid vacation and a $5,000 bonus. What would you do?
This scenario definitely created some dialog in class. "We are in a recession and you got to do what you got to do," said one girl in class. "But can you really compromise your values?" said another girl. "I was always told that a lie never ends," said someone else.
I've really started to think about this. I knew right off what I would do. I would not lie. I would first try to think of other options. For example, subcontracting the service to someone else so that our clients were actually getting the service. But I would not lie. If there were no other options, I would leave the job. My professor said that she has left more than one job before because they asked her to lie and she refused. She did not have time to discuss it with her family or anything. She was just convicted, and acted on it. I think I would be the same way. "I wasn't going to lie, but my husband wasn't too happy about it when I got home," she said. Well, I guess I definitely need to find a man who will support me no matter what. Someone who will be flexible and is able to go with the flow, lol. I think honesty is so important in every aspect of life. My class last week helped me realize how much I value honesty in myself, and in others.
Jan 17, 2011
A Fresh Start
I've always been one of those people who lives for change. I don't like for things to stay the same for a long time. I guess I just get bored easy. I like to try new things, and I like to meet new people. Life for me is just one big adventure. :)
Right now, I am in one of those changing times in life. But it's different this time, and I'm not sure why. I think it might just be part of getting older. We start to see life different the older we get.
I'm excited. I needed a fresh start.
Right now, I am in one of those changing times in life. But it's different this time, and I'm not sure why. I think it might just be part of getting older. We start to see life different the older we get.
I'm excited. I needed a fresh start.
Oct 21, 2010
untitled
I know I’m not suppose to hate
BUT
I hate that people are still calling FEMA trailers ‘home’
I hate that groups of people are still being isolated to feel alone
I hate that AIDS has taken over entire continents
I hate that politics has become a series of arguments
I hate that racism has filled people’s hearts over generations
I hate that workers have become numbers no longer seen as humans
I hate that clean water has become a privilege that only the white can afford
I hate that young mothers are watching their baby’s fathers walk out the door
I hate that college is designed so the rich get richer and the poor can’t go
I hate that money has become our number one goal
I hate that truth is not valued by our families
I hate that we still have KKK rallies
I hate that we cut down our neighbors like we cut down trees
I hate that there are still slaves who need to be freed
I hate that we sit back and watch thousands of people starve
I hate that empty days continue as our grave stones are carved
I hate that perfection is a goal we set for others, but never for ourselves
I hate that women treat their bodies as if they’re something to sell
I hate that people care more about saving corporations than saving lives
I hate that Christians retreat back to their churches to hide
I hate that love has become a fairy tale with no happy ending
I hate that bombs are dropped off without any warning
I hate that once things feel right you realize you’re wrong
I hate that peace has gotten lost in an old folk song
I hate that health care is more rare than diamonds
I hate that faith is so hard to find
I hate knowing that I’m part of the blame
I hate sitting back watching it all stay the same
I know I’m not suppose to hate
But damn.
BUT
I hate that people are still calling FEMA trailers ‘home’
I hate that groups of people are still being isolated to feel alone
I hate that AIDS has taken over entire continents
I hate that politics has become a series of arguments
I hate that racism has filled people’s hearts over generations
I hate that workers have become numbers no longer seen as humans
I hate that clean water has become a privilege that only the white can afford
I hate that young mothers are watching their baby’s fathers walk out the door
I hate that college is designed so the rich get richer and the poor can’t go
I hate that money has become our number one goal
I hate that truth is not valued by our families
I hate that we still have KKK rallies
I hate that we cut down our neighbors like we cut down trees
I hate that there are still slaves who need to be freed
I hate that we sit back and watch thousands of people starve
I hate that empty days continue as our grave stones are carved
I hate that perfection is a goal we set for others, but never for ourselves
I hate that women treat their bodies as if they’re something to sell
I hate that people care more about saving corporations than saving lives
I hate that Christians retreat back to their churches to hide
I hate that love has become a fairy tale with no happy ending
I hate that bombs are dropped off without any warning
I hate that once things feel right you realize you’re wrong
I hate that peace has gotten lost in an old folk song
I hate that health care is more rare than diamonds
I hate that faith is so hard to find
I hate knowing that I’m part of the blame
I hate sitting back watching it all stay the same
I know I’m not suppose to hate
But damn.
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