Yes, I am Anti-Gun

When I tell people that I am against guns, they always look at me like I am crazy. Especially since I live in the South!  I have had conversations with people where they try to put me into a situation where "If I had a gun I would use it." Even then, I am against them. One, they give me the heebie geebies and I can't even really hold one without freaking out. Two, it is my personal choice.

I just thought I would take a little time to explain why. Well obviously guns kill people. (no people kill people) NO, people with guns kill people. Guns have made it so easy for violence. It revolutionized war, and that has caused solider after solider to come home with PTSD. I believe video games have played a big role in how people view guns. When high school students are sitting in their English class saying they will never use this information because when they graduate they are just going to go blow people up....we have a problem. When I was a kid, we played hide-n-go seek and tag. We would have rather been outside playing, running around than in the house any day. Now, elementary school and middle school aged kids are playing games that were designed for Mature adults. I have worked in a few day cares and simply to hear how these kids talk doesn't surprise me that we have had an increased number of school shootings and such. Though all of this fuels the fire for my stance, it is not the sole reason why I choose to stand against guns.

I am a Christian, and there is nothing more important to me than my faith. It is my goal to be as much like Christ as possible. If Jesus lived today, I do not believe he would own a gun. He is the prince of peace. He called us to love our enemies and turn the other cheek. In my heart of hearts I believe that if Jesus walked on the Earth today, he would not own a gun. Even in hostage circumstances or if someone was hurting my family, I can't see myself ever being able to shoot someone. I can not value one man's life over another. Jesus died for us all, and desires a relationship with each one of us.  He does not think I'm better than anyone else. I can't make a hierarchy of people classes in my head. Then my heart is not right, and I could be come arrogant. It is my desire to stay as humble as possible. I am not better than anyone else, and we all need grace. It makes me think of the movie, End of the Spear. There were missionaries who were trying to reach a remote tribe in South America. The tribe killed this boy's father, and when he grew up he went to try to reach this same tribe. Before the father left his son asked him, " If the Waodani (the name of the tribe) attack, will you defend yourself? Will you use your guns?" The father replied, "Son, we can't shoot the Waodani. They're not ready for heaven... we are." I know I would die before I could kill anyone else. I simply don't have it in me. I am against guns because I truly believe that Jesus would be against guns. 

The Holiday Season

Okay, so this holiday season I have made a commitment to myself to be grateful for all that I have been blessed with. God has been changing my heart here lately. I'm realizing how often I tend to put myself first. And I do mean often....

When it rains, it pours.

I want so badly for life to be fair. I want justice to come here on earth. I don't want people to suffer. These past few weeks so much has happened in the lives of people around me. Car wrecks, emergency room visits, surgeries....and the list goes on.

There is a couple at my church that has really been on my heart lately. The McCord family are some of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Dan, the husband, has battled cancer...beat it, and is now in ICU for double ammonia. Gloria, the wife, has done everything she can to be there for him and still keep their household going. Jesse, the daughter, is in middle school and has the sweetest heart of anyone I know. Though this family has been through so much, they have praised God through it all. They still desire to be active members of our church. Their faith amazes me, and I am challenged.

God, help me to not only be grateful, but to act on that gratefulness. Help me to grow in faith. I want to praise you in the good and bad times. Thank you for teaching me in all circumstances. Amen

My Calling

So I've recently realized why I've decided to go into rehabilitation counseling, and Thanksgiving dinner sparked this thought....

I don't know how your family is, but it seems to me that just about every family has that person who is condescending. There is nothing you could do that would ever add up to be good enough. What they do will always be better than what you could do. I have a cousin who is like this. God love her, and I honestly don't know if she realizes she is like this. For as long as I can remember she has looked down her nose on my sister and I. This thanksgiving she asked me, "So what are you doing now?" And not in that curious I haven't talked to you in forever way. I told her I was getting my Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling, and that I found it rewarding. "Rewarding?" she said. "Yes, rewarding, I get to help people," I replied. She didn't know I heard her, but under her breath she said, "Yeah, but most people don't want the help." I was shocked, but I knew she was referring to addiction. Every time I tell some that I'm going into rehabilitation counseling they always connect it with drug addiction or alcoholism.

First of all, you obviously don't have a clue what my field is like. Let me explain:

When an OIF veteran comes home, and he slips through the local Memphis VA assessments because they are overwhelmed with the over 200,000 veterans they serve in three states (over 53 counties), and is unable to find a job because of one, our economy and two, he/she is suffering from PTSD. I am the person who will who works for the state vocational rehab program and helps that person not only find counseling, but talks to them about their goals and helps them take the steps needed in furthering their education and/or finding employment.

When a young adult starts to show early signs of schizophrenia, has an episode, and ends up hospitalized. I am the person who helps him/her understand their illness and realize that it is not the end of their life. I am the one that the family comes to for support and understanding. I am the one who sets up a treatment plan, and a relapse prevention plan. I teach that patient how important medication is and help them ease their way back into society.

When there is a group of people with a disability who are fighting for equality, I am the person who fights with them. Equality meaning all they want is a ramp into a building or a differing kind of door knob. They want to be able to work. They want access to the same things we have access too. It is not about government money or getting on disability or taking advantage of tax dollars. They simply want to be seen as a person first. I am the person who helps fight that stigma, and acts as a support system.

Though many of the people in my field will work in alcohol and drug treatment facilities, that is not all rehabilitation counseling is about.  I suggest before you make judgments, you do your research.

I don't think it is any secret that I am a Christian, and my faith is extremely important to me. I recently learned in class that rehabilitation counseling is about meeting the client where they are in life and where they are in recovery. It is about making people feel supported and loved. Why am I drawn to this field? Because that is exactly what Jesus did. Jesus did not sit in his high rise office asking people, "how does that make you feel?" Jesus got his hands dirty. It is not a glamorous job. I will be everything from a counselor to a cab driver for my clients, but if that is what it takes I don't care. Jesus didn't care. I believe that Jesus' calling is simple. "Follow Me" But heck, it is not easy. I was called to be a rehabilitation counselor, it gives me an opportunity to get my hands dirty on a daily basis. And yes, I said opportunity. There is no dollar amount that could ever take the place of a changed life.

Thank You

Though Thanksgiving has now come and gone; I still find myself in the spirit of thankfulness. I have been blessed with so much here lately. It seems like right when I start to doubt that God knows what he is doing...he gives me a little glimpse of his plan. He reminds me that he is in control, and I am truly where I need to be right now. I have found new friendships that mean more to me than they could ever realize. I have been blessed with the perfect place to live. I have an amazing job, where I get to hang out with an amazing group of kids. And last but not least, I have found a man who would go to the moon and back for me. I'm not sure anyone has ever loved me as much as he does. Though at times I feel so alone, I have to remind myself of all I have. I can't expect for things to be perfect all the time. God has bless me. So, I think that during this season of thankfulness I will try to remind myself that I have the things I have because God gave them to me. For that, I want to say Thank You.

I am alone enough I don't feel afraid

I think that fear cripples us from making life changing decisions. We are afraid of what people will think. We are afraid we will fail. We are afraid that it will turn out bad.  We are afraid that unexpected things will come up. Mostly we are afraid that we will be wrong.

I am wrong a lot.

You should try saying that. It kind of feels good. No one is as hard on me as I am. I can't be afraid anymore. I just started thinking today...What do I have to lose?

Absolutely Nothing.

I don't have anything to lose because I don't have anything. Everything I have is on loan.

I don't feel afraid.

I Promised Myself...

How important is a promise that you make to yourself? How important is it to keep that promise?

I'm struggling with those questions. Maybe where I was in life at that time impacted the promise made, and it shouldn't influence my life now. Maybe things are different. Maybe I made that promise based on circumstances that I'm no longer in. But on the other hand....Maybe I made that promise to myself because I never wanted to be in that situation again. ever.

God, Remind me how much you love me. I know you desire the best for my life. Help me figure out what 'the best' actually is. I don't want it to be up to me. Amen.

Sorry to Disappoint You

I don't have all the answers.
Help me find them.
I don't always do everything right.
Let's do it together.
Sometimes I say the wrong thing.
Don't jump to conclusions.
Sometimes I misunderstand.
Clarify it for me.
I'm going to have grumpy days.
That's just part of life.
I'm going to make you mad.
Make me feel loved anyway.
I often have a lot on my mind.
Tell me it will be okay.
I often speak before I think.
I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not perfect.
No one is.
I'm not perfect.
What you see is what you get.
Sorry to disappoint you.

How did I get here?

Do you ever have moments in life where you think to yourself, "How the heck did I get here?" It seems like no matter how much we plan, things never work out how we want them to. We always talk about wanting things to be different, but never do anything different. This has been on my mind the past few days, and then I started reading something I wrote a few years ago on facebook. It spoke to me all over again. I just thought I'd share.

Pursue the LIFE that you were MADE for....

1. The secret to Godliness is hidden in your daily routine....


...Okay yeah, I've heard that before. Read your Bible daily and pray with out ceasing blah blah blah....If we want to be like God we have to spend time with God. Makes sense right? You know how if you hang around the same people for a while then you start saying some of the things they say. I know it is like that with my group of friends....it is kind of like we rub off on each other. That is how I want to think it is with God. The more I spend time with him, the more he will rub off on me. Make sense?... It is not that by going to church we get more of Jesus...by going Jesus gets more of us. There is nothing we can do but become available, and I believe that is when Jesus is going radically change our lives.
2. You DON'T decide your future, you decide your HABITS and your habits decide your future....


...Okay, I definitely NEVER thought about it like that. Especially in college, it seems like everything is about finding our purpose. Every other day I get a prayer request asking me to pray that God would show him or her His will for their lives. We are all here trying to decide our future. It's kind of like, You don't decide what you reap, you just decide what you sow, and what you sow decides what you reap. You can't date wrong now and expect to marry right. You can't live ungodly now and expect to become a man or woman of God later. What we do now is paving the path for our future. Scary, but really cool... Now that I am out of college, I realize that we worry for nothing. We do so much soul searching and seeking God's will that we miss the daily grind. I have started to realize, regardless if people agree, there is always an opportunity to do something good. It is the little things that we do on a daily basis that will shape us into who we become.

3. If you can tolerate something then you won't change it....


...I can see this in my life. I just kind of slide through on somethings. If you can tolerate addictions, then you will never be set free. If you can tolerate ungodliness, then you will never be godly. If you can tolerate spiritual laziness, then how in the heck are you ever going to get spiritually mature? You can't... Wow, this pretty much hit me in the face. I have to know what I want. I have to set goals. I have to work daily to get there. I'm not saying I have to have my whole life planned out with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome...2.5 kids...and a white picket fence. I'm talking more about issues of character and relationships. I know who I want to be, more importantly who I represent. I also know the kinds of people I need to surround myself with. If I settle for less...I will get less.

Yeah, basically it got me thinking all over again.

God, continue to teach me. Amen.


.

Summer Time

It is hard to believe how fast time has gone. I am already done with my first semester of graduate school, and I ended with a 4.0 gpa. I hope every semester goes as fast as this one did! I am glad it is summer. I need this break.

Here lately I have started to realize a few things. Love finds you when you least expect it, and I don't get attached to places. I have the travel bug in me and I like the idea of starting new somewhere. I think that is why it hasn't bothered me too bad to find out that the new love in my life might move 28 hours away. It would be a lie if I said it didn't bother me at all, cause damn I'm going to miss him like crazy. But it is fun to me to think about moving and starting new somewhere. Who knows what will happen in the next year or so...I don't want to get ahead of myself. I'm just saying.

God, Thanks for getting me through this semester. I grateful for the things I have learned, and am excited about the things you have planned for me. Help me stay focused on the things you want for me. Amen.

Holy Week

Palm Sunday:

Matthew 21:8-11
"A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted. "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the lord!" "Hosanna in the highest heaven!" When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, "Who is this?" The Crowds answered, "This is Jesus, the prophet of Nazareth in Galilee."

I just love Easter. We have now entered Holy Week, and I want to make sure I take the time to really reflect on how greatly I've been blessed. It amazes me everytime I think about the things Jesus went through this week. He comes into Jersualem treated like a King, and then a week later the same people who shouted "Hosanna!" are shouting "Crucify Him!" I realize the power of persuasion, maybe being on a Speech and Debate team in college taught me that, but how could a joyous crowd swich so quickly to an angry mob? I often wonder what side would I have been on if I lived back then. It scares me. Disiples who saw him feed 5,000 with a few fish and a few loaves, saw him heal lame and blind, and embrace sinners....denied him. How strong is my faith really?

God, during this time in Holy Week remind me how great you are. Help me to see the sacrifices you made for me then, and the sacrifices you make for me everday now. Surround me with yourself. Consume me. I love you. And I praise you. Amen.

Transformed

So, I don't blog near as much as I thought I would when I started...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the idea of transformation. I have always believed that once you become a Christian, life is a transformation process. I believe that is basically what the Bible teaches. Here on Earth we are continually being transformed into the likeness of God. I often find myself praying for God to transform my heart--my life.

I think this idea of transformation could transcend to other aspects of my life. For example, my thoughts. How I feel about myself or someone else would transform over time. Basically, I think I'm saying this whole thing is a process. And it is a process that is not easy for me. Transformation does not always go in a positive direction. Once I realize I've been on the wrong track, I have to start again. Not go backwards, that's impossible. But open myself again. Allow myself to enter the transformation process. I have been blessed with a man who tells me everyday that I'm beautiful. His words are part of my process. The words I say are part of someone else's process. We really do impact the people around us. We are not only being transformed, but transforming others.

God, help me to be a light in the darkness.

Where does time go?

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I can't believe how fast time has flown by! Nothing too exciting has happened. Spring break as come and gone. Now I'm just waiting for the summer! It is so hard to believe that I am almost done with my first semester of graduate school! 2011...before I know it will be 2012.

God has really blessed me with an amazing second family :) I have met some awesome friends at school, and I have been able to rebuild old friendships. God is good. Life is good.

Last Sunday at church my pastor said something that I have been thinking about lately. I have always tried to be optimistic. My boyfriend said just yesterday that I smile all the time, lol. Now, I don't think that is true but I do try to see the glass as half full. It gets on people's nerves sometimes. But Bro. Jim was talking about God and the things he wants to bless us with...the things he has already blessed us with. I'm not really talking about material things, though that is not out of reach. I'm mostly talking about things of the spirit. God desires to give us an uncontainable joy. He wants to bless us with true friends, and love, and hope, and peace.... God doesn't want our cup to be half empty, or even half full. God wants our cup to overflow! How encouraging that we serve a God like that!

God, help me to remember how great you truly are.

shalom.

The Simple Life

I just want to live simply. I want my priorities to be straight. I feel like the whole world around me is in a constant state of chaos. Everyone worries about things that don't really matter. Do you realize how big God is? I mean come on now. It seems like people will do whatever they have to in order to get to the top....the top of what? I'm not sure exactly. The top of society I guess. But who really wants to be there? And I've never really seen anyone stay for very long. I think the higher you go, the harder you'll fall. And I don't know about you, but I don't really take pain well.

let. me. live. simply.
please.

Epiphany

I am starting to learn a lot about myself. I know that the college experience radically changed my life. I had an amazing group of friends. The classes I took challenged me to the very core of who I was. Now that I'm going on a year out of my undergrad and living back home. I'm staring to realize how much those experiences really changed my whole outlook on life. I was talking to a friend the other day and said, I use to not be like this. And that is true. I wasn't always this passive. There was a time I wanted the greater things in life. I use to put myself above others. I use to want to strive hard and be the best, not for myself, but for those around me. I couldn't fall, everyone was watching. And though I was never perfect, I always acted like I was. I think over time, I gave up. I gave up living for everyone else and started living for myself. I gave up striving for things that won't last, and realized that everything I have was given to me anyway. I don't have to be the best; I just have to do my best. The simplicity of life has overwhelmed me. I just want to love God and love people.

Now, I'm still far from perfect. I struggle everyday. And I think this whole self realization thing might be part of the process of life. I have been in Graduate School a total of 3 weeks and can already feel myself changing. I am already being challenged. For some reason, I am more aware of it now. Maybe that is just part of getting older. I don't know. But I've never really been afraid of change.

God, thank you for molding me and shaping me into the person you would have me be. continue to transform me. help me to stay focused on the things that really matter. Amen.

List of Things I Learned Today:

1. My 4 year old sister is smarter than me.
2. The unknown is really exciting....and really scary.
3. I am powerless. (Gah, that's hard to say. Thanks anonymous programs.)
4. Everything is a system, and a learning experience.
5. Epistemology

...this is a tentative list.

today's prayer

Hey dad, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you. I think too often in this life I get so caught up in the details that I miss the big picture. You are good, and you want what's best for me. Thank you for the places you're taking me and the people you have brought into my life. I am being broken, molded, and shaped in the person you want me to be. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to be in control all the time. Help me to open my eyes to see the blessings you have placed right in front of me. Take my hand and lead me in the direction you would have me go. I'm sorry for making things harder than they should be. I'm sorry for the times I doubt your love for me. I'm sorry for the lack of brokenness and openness here lately. I think today I realized that happiness is something that I  can choose for myself every day, but true joy can only come from you.  I want you to be my joy and my strength. I love you, and I thank you. Amen.

A Lie Never Ends

Last week when I was in class we were talking about how much we really value honesty. It is a vocational rehabilitation class. So, we were really talking about honesty and morals in the work place. My professor gave us this situation and asked what we'd really do.

Let's say you are working for a non-profit organization doing vocational counseling. It is your job to help people find their transferable skills and use them in a new job setting. This organization is funded by private donations and government grants. There is a grant that this organization has which says you provide a very specific service to your clients. There is no one however, who works here that has the credentials or license to legally provide that service. So, your supervisor tells you to sign off and say that your clients did indeed receive this specific service. Your clients are unaware of what is going on. If you do not sign off, this organization will lose their grant. For numbers sake, let's say it's a $250,000 grant. This money plays a huge roll in the function of this organization. If they do not have this grant, they will not be able to continue. If you do sign off and say that your clients did receive this service, then you will get an additional week of paid vacation and a $5,000 bonus.  What would you do?

This scenario definitely created some dialog in class. "We are in a recession and you got to do what you got to do," said one girl in class. "But can you really compromise your values?" said another girl. "I was always told that a lie never ends," said someone else.

I've really started to think about this. I knew right off what I would do. I would not lie. I would first try to think of other options. For example, subcontracting the service to someone else so that our clients were actually getting the service. But I would not lie. If there were no other options, I would leave the job. My professor said that she has left more than one job before because they asked her to lie and she refused.  She did not have time to discuss it with her family or anything. She was just convicted, and acted on it. I think I would be the same way.  "I wasn't going to lie, but my husband wasn't too happy about it when I got home," she said. Well, I guess I definitely need to find a man who will support me no matter what. Someone who will be flexible and is able to go with the flow, lol.  I think honesty is so important in every aspect of life. My class last week helped me realize how much I value honesty in myself, and in others.

A Fresh Start

I've always been one of those people who lives for change. I don't like for things to stay the same for a long time. I guess I just get bored easy. I like to try new things, and I like to meet new people. Life for me is just one big adventure. :)

Right now, I am in one of those changing times in life. But it's different this time, and I'm not sure why. I think it might just be part of getting older. We start to see life different the older we get.

I'm excited. I needed a fresh start.